Old Friends; New Life

I think it's safe to say that we all go through that rotation of friends, we have all had those friends who were but no longer are. I know that for me, personally, I just weeded out the majority of my "friends." I know that in the past year-year and a half I have really tightened who I trust down to three or four people.

I'd like to say that it was easy to do this, but the truth is, I still struggle with the thoughts of this. There are days where I want so bad to just go and talk to a couple of these people but know that in the long run doing that would only hurt me. The entire process of narrowing down my friends wasn't entirely up to me, and really I think it is better that way. Because had i had my say in most of the people I pulled away from I would not be anywhere near where I am today. I feel I have learned so much in the past 2-3 years, so much about the world around me but even more about myself. I think that in some ways I was surrounding myself with people that were blinding me to seeing what I needed to work on. I was surrounding myself with people that made me feel good. In retrospect this was a horrible idea, reason being while i felt they were making me feel good about myself all the friendship really was was about them. Everything was about them, they were some of the most selfish people I had ever been around, but things felt right when I was with them so I just gave in.

Now that I look back at that I am actually very glad I pulled away from those relationships.

I now have some "old friends" that I no longer talk to, but I have become a better person because of this, and I am ready for my new life to begin!

"I Want Bof!"

So, things have changed since I started my life outside of my "comfort zone." I like to think that I have learned so much, and grown into a better person since that day I moved away from home.

I can say that since then I have really begin to figure out who matter in my life. There are always those people in our lives that we know are always there; we don't know how they got there, just that they are there. I love the people in my life who play this role, thinking about them is what keeps me going through my hard times. Seeing their faces always reminds me of what is important to me.

Just over a year ago I move from St. Louis to Orlando for school. It was possibly the biggest thing I've ever done in my life, but looking at it now I am so glad I did it. There are days where I am at school for hours on end and all I want to do is go home, but this is where I take a step back and re-evaluate why I'm down here. I didn't come here so i could get a job and make a ton of money. I didn't come here cause it is an easy life. I didn't even come here to please my family. I made the decision to come here because I get to do what I love to do, on a daily basis. Yes, the potential income that can come from this career can be great, but that's not why I am here, I'm here for MY passion.

This is where I have hit a roadblock. When I first moved I said that I would never really get homesick, and in some ways this is true. But in the time since I've moved I've grown even closer to my "family", and now that I'm never really home all I want to do is be with them. They are my life, and I would do anything for them. So to be over a thousand miles away, and only see them a couple times a year kills me. I have began to hate the airport back home, because the only tie I'm there is when I'm leaving them. I have their pictures up all around me to put a smile on my face when I need it, but sometimes that just makes me want to be home and with them even more.

So the question that is constantly on my mind, is how much am I going to have to give up in order to live my dream? I already feel like a little piece of my is lost every time I have to say 'goodbye', and it still hurts to do it. Then when I'm not with them I'm aways thinking about the next time I will get to be with them, and it just drags on. In some ways I feel like a dog standing between two people having to choose. Do I choose my dream job or do I choose the people who mean the world to me? Well.... I don't see why I can't have both! So in the words of Radio (great movie btw), "I want bof!"